Performance nerves: play to an audience of one

Performance nerves ease when you believe the people listening already want you to do well, and more preparation on its own will not get you there.

Why it gets harder as you get older

I didn't use to struggle with this sort of thing at all. When I was younger I had get out of jail free cards. I was young. Then I had kids and turned 30, and I started thinking that people were expecting things from me.

When you get older you become more vulnerable. That vulnerability turns into concerns about legacy, and a feeling that you are running out of time to show the world what you can do on your horn.

More preparation is not the answer

Everyone says the way to get over performance anxiety is to prepare more. Prepare what? Practise more, so that when you get there and it still doesn't happen, you feel even more disappointed?

You can only do as much preparation as you can. What happens on the day happens on the day. This is a heart issue. You cannot fix it from the bottom up with a trick.

Ask why you feel this way

One reason might be that you are worried about what other people think. Another is that you are worried about whether everyone in the room will like it. Those are two different things, and the second is not something you can control. They might not like the music, and then you are already done.

The real fear is whether we get the affirmation we are after.

An audience of one

I was taught to imagine what it would feel like to perform to an audience of one. Just one person, and that person loves you no matter what happens when you play. That is the person you have to perform to. Anything else is a distraction.

My wife sings as though she is singing to God, which is a very useful way of doing it. If you don't believe in that, the audience of one does the same job.

Before a recent gig of my own, I had to go on believing that everyone in the room loved me, even if it wasn't true. I don't mean worshipped me. I mean that they would love what I was doing. My big realisation was that I didn't actually believe it. I still doubted that the people in the audience had my best interests at heart.

The people listening have given up their evening to be there. They are not there wanting you to play badly. Otherwise they would stay at home and watch Netflix. They want you to succeed.

It is not easy to believe, and it takes practice. You can fake it till you make it. But no one can do it for you.

Change the story you tell yourself

My story used to be: I have to show everyone that I can do this. That is all expectation, and it is heavy.

The story I practise believing now is that I have a gift, and that the gift is there to inspire and serve other people. It doesn't matter how big or small the gift is. There is something in you that keeps you doing this. If you use it as a tool to bring joy into other people's lives, it slowly erodes the self-critic.

Judging yourself while you are serving people is like making someone a meal, putting it on the table and apologising for it. Sorry, it's a bit burnt. Sorry, it isn't seasoned properly. You have ruined it before they have tasted it. We do that to protect ourselves from other people's judgement.

Worry does nothing productive. It is just doubt. You are not going to play a perfect performance, and you can't give everyone what they want. You are going to give everything you have. That is all you can do, and all you should do.

One thing to try this week

Before your next rehearsal or performance, tell yourself two things: you are there to serve the people listening, and you are going to give everything you have. Then pick your audience of one and play to them.

More trumpet advice

• Hear the note before you play it, and let the trumpet come to you
• Warm up for the day in front of you, not the same way every day
• How to build trumpet endurance: there is no way round playing more